The 411mania Douchebag of the Week
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest edition of The 411 Douchebag of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.
Am I the only one who watches The Sound of Music and wishes that, instead of just running away, that Captain Von Trapp beat the crap out of that little Nazi punk Rolfe before heading for the border? It would have been oh so satisfying to see the badass retired Austrian Naval Captain run right at the little bastard as he was blowing his whistle and just destroy him. Punch him in the face, ram his head into a stone wall, maybe impale the little shit on a piece of the wire fence. Yes, all of that would have been ridiculous considering The Sound of Music isn’t meant to be a violent movie, but I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that Rolfe would have deserved it.
I also think it’s time that we got a sequel to The Sound of Music where Captain Von Trapp leads a squad of badasses into Salzburg to take down the local Nazi government that no doubt sprung up after the Von Trapps left. It could still be a rollicking good musical, like the first one, but it could also have badass action sequences in it. The whole thing would end with the Captain taking on Herr Zeller, that piece of shit Nazi that kept saying “Nothing in Austria has changed. Heil Hitler!,” in a hand-to-hand brawl in the middle of town. The Captain could snap Zeller’s fucking neck and then sing “Edelweiss.” That would kick so much ass.
Look, if Mary Poppins can get a sequel, why not The Sound of Music? Hugh Jackman could play the Captain. Everyone would love it.
Yeah, none of this is going to happen, probably ever, but we can dream, can’t we?
Fuck yeah we can.
And now onto this week’s Douchebag of the Week.
This week, the 411 Douchebag of the Week goes to actor Stoney Westmoreland for allegedly trying to have sex with a person he believed was 13 years old. Westmoreland, best known for playing Henry “Ham” Mack on the Disney Channel show Andi Mack, was apparently arrested in Salt Lake City, Utah, where the show is made, and is still in custody as of me writing this on Sunday, December 16th. As a result of his arrest, the Disney Channel has fired Westmoreland from the Andi Mack show.
I have no idea who Westmoreland is. I’ve looked at his filmography at imdb and it looks like he’s been a bit actor/character actor for over twenty years. Andi Mack seems to be his most prominent role. Now, considering the allegations against him, it makes you wonder what sort of sick and twisted thrill he got out of being a part of a children’s show, because that’s all you’re likely to think of when you find out what he allegedly, specifically, did.
And what did Westmoreland do, specifically? According to Salt Lake City’s NBC affiliate, Westmoreland met the person he believed to be thirteen on an app that’s used for “dating and meeting people for the purpose of sexual activity.” Westmoreland then sent naked photos of himself and then asked the person to send him naked photos and then, eventually, have sex with him.
So it sure as hell doesn’t sound like this is “role playing,” or a big mistake or just some mix-up. Westmoreland deliberately went after this person he thought was thirteen for the purposes of having sex. He wanted someone who was thirteen. And as he’s 48, Westmoreland can be called/considered a predator here. What other explanation can there be?
We’ll see what happens with his case as it moves through the justice system. And we’ll see what the Disney Channel does with the Andi Mack show. The show is in the middle of its third season. Will it continue into a fourth season and beyond? Will Disney continue to show reruns of the first two seasons, or will Andi Mack be quietly retired? If more allegations surface and Westmoreland is somehow found to be an even worse offender than now, don’t be surprised if the show is banished forever, or at least rebooted in some fashion. Having a TV show with a pedophile in the cast can’t be good for Disney’s image.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with people?
And now for this week’s honorable mentions…
–CBS, for the now multiple sexual harassment scandals at the network. The network president, Les Moonves, was removed from the network after multiple women claimed that he sexually harassed them/forced them to have sex with him. Before that was the whole Charlie Rose thing. And the top executive at 60 Minutes, Jeff Fager, was fired for sexual misconduct. And now Bull star Michael Weatherly is being accused of some horrible shit on the set of his show, shit that led to Eliza Dushku getting a confidential settlement of almost $10 million. Is this just the tip of the iceberg here? How many more stories like these ones are getting ready to ooze out? What the fuck is going on at CBS?
-Fox News Channel personality Tucker Carlson, for claiming that immigrants make America “poorer” and “dirtier.” When did Carlson become such a raging racist? He’s always been a sniveling little weasel, yes, but a racist? Because I don’t know how you can come to any other conclusion here. What the hell does “dirtier” mean here? Dirty how? What a sack of crap.
–Sarah Rose Summers, Miss USA, for whatever the hell she thought she was doing on Instagram. I don’t know if that Instagram video was supposed to be funny or charming or just stupid (you know, just fucking around), but based on the outrage it caused it’s obvious, in retrospect, she shouldn’t have done it. Perhaps people in the public eye shouldn’t post anything anywhere until at least one other person looks at the post ahead of time?
–Jennifer Sinclair, an elementary school principal in Manchester, Nebraska, for her memo banning candy canes from school because they somehow represent Christianity. In a story that shows just how fucking stupid people really are, Sinclair apparently never bothered to do any research into her apparently sincerely held beliefs when it comes to what candy canes actually represent and, as a result, sent the “the Left’s War on Christmas” people into a pants foaming tizzy. I know that the world at large has become terrified of threatened litigation, but until actual lawsuits start showing up, in abundance, can we all just calm the fuck down about this shit and stop being so fucking stupid?
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